Remember:
• Keep it short and simple, cool and casual.
• And don't fix it for them.
• Help them see each other's perspective.
• At any point, if they solve it, let the process go.
Listening is the core skill necessary to resolving conflicts. |
1. Hear the stories: ask "What's Up?" or "What's going on?" or "Can you tell me what's happening that's making you upset?"
2. Let them know you heard them. Reflect back just the bare bones of the story, how they might be feeling, what they've done to fix it. If it seems appropriate, ask them to reflect each other back.
3. Ask for any new understanding? "Did you learn anything about each other, yourself, or the situation you didn't know before?" "Did that change things for you?"
4. Name the problem. Ask "So what's the thing that you can do something about right now?" (We cannot solve a problem that does not still exist except to apologize) Or "What are the main issue here?" Make sure you don't call a solution a problem. Ex: Turning the radio off is a solution. The radio playing is the problem.
5. Brainstorm a solution. Ask "Any good ideas how you can solve this?" or "What have you done in the past when this came up that worked?" or "If it were a perfect world, what would you do to solve this?", then, after they answer, "In an imperfect world?"
6. Move them into action. Ask "What's the first step to putting that solution into action?" or "What would you say? Can you see yourself saying/doing that?" then "When are you going to do that?" "How will you feel when it's done?
Marcia McReynolds - Listening Planet
Helping you learn to listen to one another
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• The Listening Place
• Pledge of Listening:
Listening should be taught in schools
• Make Molehills Out of Mountains
• Problem Solving Process
• Listening for Sustainability
• Meditations on Listening
• Depression Sign of Missed Calling
• Path to Unconditional Happiness
• Guerilla Mediation Steps
• Listening to Emotional Blocks
in the Body |
